Hi, my name is Kacie and I am a recovering people-pleaser. Actually, I’m not quite sure I am even to the recovering part yet. I would like to be, but just when I think I might have a handle on things I find myself in the same chronic cycle once again. For so long I have fought against labeling this part of who I am as a downfall. I don’t think it always has to be. It is ok that I want others to be happy. God gave me a big heart and I (most of the time) have the best of intentions. Here’s where it gets tricky though, when my desire to please others comes before my desire to please God, it is no longer a good thing. When my worth and my identity are found in who I am to the people in my life and not who I am in Christ, it is no longer a good thing.
THIS. IS. HARD! I only thought battling my anxiety was tough. My counselor has compared it to an onion. When I peel one layer back, there is another one waiting for me right underneath it. My anxiety overshadowed so much for so long that I didn’t even realize the havoc that my people-pleasing tendencies were wreaking in my head and on my heart. Just recently I’ve began to realized that waking up each morning trying to keep the peace with and between everybody in my life is absolutely exhausting. I’m starting to see a small glimpse of how dwelling on whether I’m pretty enough, thin enough, funny enough, smart enough, outgoing enough, etc to those around me is completely suffocating the person that God created me to be. Maybe this discord is a result of going against living in the way that God intended for us to live. Focused on Him!
This is what I consistently hear echoing in my mind. “Kacie, you have to be a good, southern, young lady. You need to be polite. You need to be respectful. You need to keep the peace and don’t you dare do anything that would stir up conflict.” Recently though, this story about Jesus from Matthew 21 has made it’s way to the forefront of my mind as well. “And Jesus entered the temple and drove out all who sold and bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons. He said to them “It is written ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer,‘ But you make it a den of robbers.”” Ummmm I don’t think Jesus‘ response would have been within the realm of southern manners. He was NOT happy that these people were using the temple in a way that was disrespectful to God. He didn’t stand back and gently say “I don’t think this is a good idea.” He turned the stinking tables over! He got, or rather demanded their attention! He was passionate. He was vocal. He got his point across and certainly didn’t let anyone walk all over him. But that doesn’t mean that he wasn’t loving, kind, and merciful. He couldn’t not be those things. The Bible tells us that these attributes are a part of his character. The Bible also says that he is never changing which means he is ALWAYS all of those things and more!
This is where the rubber meets the road for me. For so long I have equated “people-pleasing” with “people-loving”. I believe the Bible calls us to the latter, but unfortunately that doesn’t always result in the former. I am pretty certain that Jesus’ reaction didn’t please everyone in the temple, especially not the ones whose tables and seats he was overturning. But his actions were indeed loving. It came from a place of obedience to The Father. It came from a heart that knew it was ultimately for their good and for God’s glory. We can think about it this way. Genuine love comes from a heart longing to be like Jesus’. Pleasing comes from a heart wanting the approval of man.
So what does all of this mean for those of us that struggle with with pressure of pleasing everyone all of the time? I say “us” because I know for a fact that I am not the only one out there struggling. Maybe we need to meditate on what it says in Colossians 3:2 “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” We need to put our blinders on and look straight to heaven first. We must immerse ourselves in The Word. We should have bruises on our knees from hours spent seeking the face of God. Let’s be the generation where a shift happens and we go from being one that is people-pleasing to one that is people-loving! Let’s go from seeking the approval of man to seeking the approval of The Lord!
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” -Galatians 1:10
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